


Kili's Grief

by SilverFountains



Category: The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Gen, Thorin helping Kili deal with the loss of his father when he was an infant, Uncle being a really sweet uncle to Kili throughout his life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-25
Updated: 2014-10-25
Packaged: 2018-02-22 14:55:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2511722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverFountains/pseuds/SilverFountains
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not as bad as it sounds, I promise you this is actually a really sweet story, despite the prompt challenge being "morgue".</p><p>This one-shot is about Kili's relationship with the father he never knew</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kili's Grief

**_TA 2864_ **

His sister’s expression of grief as he tells her with a heavy heart that her husband had not survived the accident down the mines is one he expects from a princess of Durin. She nods at him and although the pain and sadness in her dark eyes is evident, she keeps her emotions underneath her royal mask as she looks at the babe in her arms. “He will never know his _‘adad_ ,” he says sadly.

Thorin feels his heart break for the tiny pink bundle with the wild mop of hair. He takes a few steps forward and carefully runs his large hand over the infant’s head. “I will make sure he knows that his father was a brave warrior and a great dwarf,” he promises his sister. “He will not be forgotten, _namad_. Do you want me to speak to Fili?”

Dis nods her head. “Please, _nadad_. He will not understand yet …”

“I know. But I will try to explain to him about Mahal’s Halls and how his father will now be feasting with his uncle Frerin and he will be waiting for the day we are permitted to those glorious Halls of Glory.”

**_TA 2879_ **

Kili was a very happy child. He was one big ball of energy and spend most of his toddler years exploring their mountain home, which Thorin still deemed to be their temporary home, even though they had lived here for over fifty years now. It was because he was so energetic and always smiling that the days that he was sad the contrast was so great that he seemed the saddest dwarf child in the whole of the Blue Mountains.

“Why are you frowning, _gimliuh mim_?” Thorin asks with concern as he finds the youngster huddled on the floor of his room, clasping his favourite bedtime toy – a cloth on which his older brother had drawn what he understood were supposed to be eyes and a mouth.

Kili looks up and holds his pudgy arms out to him in order to be picked up and cradled by his uncle’s strong arms.

“Well?” Thorin asks again as he bounces the youngster up and down, concerned that there are not the usual giggles and exclamations of glee. “Why are you sad, Kili?”

The young dwarfling shrugs. Then he looks into Thorin’s grey blue eyes and pouts. “All the other children have a daddy who shows them how to make swords and bows to play with,” he blurts out. “Why don’t I have a daddy, _‘amadnadad_? Was I bad? Did my daddy not want me and Fee?”

Thorin knits his brown together as he looks into the sad brown eyes. “Not at all!” he stresses firmly. “Your father loved you and Fili more than all the treasures in the world. And he would have loved to have taught you how to make a sword and a bow.”

“Then why is he not here?” Kili sighs, resting his head against his uncle’s shoulder.

“Because Mahal thought your _‘adad_ was so strong and brave that he wanted him to sit at his table and feast with him and uncle Frerin,” Thorin says. “But you know what? Before he went he made me make a promise.”

“What promise?” Kili asks softly.

“That I would teach you how to make a sword and a bow, just like he would have.”

At that Kili’s eyes light up and he wraps his little arms tight around Thorin’s neck. “Thank you, Thorin,” he sighs. “And thank you _‘adad_ for asking uncle Thorin to show me.”

**_TA 2904_ **

The celebrations were in full swing and ale was flowing merrily amongst the guests seated in the Great Hall of the old dwarven halls. But as food was shared and songs were sung Thorin noticed that one particular important guest had gone missing.

“Where is Kili?” he asks Fili as he scans the room.

“He … he said he needed some air,” Fili says, looking up at his uncle. “He said he needed to be alone for just a moment.”

Thorin raises an eyebrow - without his brother? The two princes are inseparable, they do everything together. And he feels worry flutter through his stomach as he nods in thanks to his young heir and makes his way out of the noise of the festivities.

“Kili?” he calls softly as he looks up and sees the silhouette of the prince in the light the moon. He knows where to find the  young prince when he needs some quiet time. He is very un-dwarflike in his love for climbing trees and Thorin has reprimanded him for his reckless behaviour more than once. But it seems to be something that calms the brunet when he feels distressed. “Kili, are you alright?”

“Yeah. Just need some time alone,” the youngster calls back, not looking at him.

“You are missing your own coming-of-age party,” Thorin continues and he sits himself down at the trunk of the tree. “Want to tell me what’s on your mind?”

Kili does not respond, but Thorin knows by now that there is really only one thing that upsets Kili and that is the absence of his father, whom he has never known.

“He is proud of you,” Thorin says when the silence stretches between them. “As am I.”

“You think so?” Kili asks softly.

“I know so. You are a fine dwarrow; strong and handsome. A true Durin.”

He can hear the young prince sigh above him.

“Kili, why don’t you come down and we go to the catacombs? Together. And you can talk to him. Ask him yourself if he is proud of you.”

“What the point?” Kili grumbles, although he is beginning to climb down the tree. “He won’t answer. He’s dead.” He jumps onto the soft ground with a thud and looks up at his uncle, with a sad but defiant look in his eyes.

“He will answer,” Thorin says and he places a hand on the brunet’s chest. “The answer will be here, in your heart. You just need to learn to listen to it. Now come,” and he puts an arm around the young prince’s shoulder and guides him towards their Halls of Stone.

**_TA 2923_ **

“Good morning, _namad_ ,” Thorin smiles at his sister, pressing a kiss on her forehead. He had come to collect Kili to take him to the nearby township of men to visit the fletcher and purchase new bows for the two of them. Woodwork was not a dwarven craft and although he knew that the elvish bows were by far superior to those of men, he would pay thrice for a bow of men if he needed to rather than trade with the elves. “Where is Kili? I had expected him to be ready to go,” he says as he looks around and notes the silence in the rest of the rooms.

“He left a short while ago,” Dis frowns, a little worried. “I thought he had gone to see you?”

Thorin shakes his head.  “I have not yet seen him today.” When his can see the worry in his sister’s face, he puts a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “I think I may know where to find him.”

When he descends the stone steps into the catacombs he can hear Kili’s soft deep voice echo through the peaceful halls. “And today Thorin is taking me to pick out a new bow. I know you probably would have preferred it had I picked a sword or an axe, _‘adad_ , but I really am good with the bow.”

Thorin smiles sadly as he finds the young prince, sat cross legged before his father’s tomb, chattering away. “And Fili had made his first own sword. You would be so proud of him, _‘adad._ He is so very skilled. A true heir of Durin. He is so much cleverer than me. I will never be as good as Fili at forging.”

“Nor will Fili ever be as good as you at hunting,” says Thorin softly, making Kili jump out of his skin. “Apologies, Kili, I did not mean to startle you.”

Kili smiles. “It is okay, Thorin. I was just telling _‘adad_ about going to buy my new bow today. I am ready to go now.”

Thorin nods and helps Kili to his feet. He thinks it is sweet that Kili has taken to his suggestion to come here to speak to his father, but equally it fills his heart with sadness that it is the only way he will ever know his father in this life.

**_TA 2941_ **

He could hear the argument before he had entered the private quarters of his sister and her sons. “I am of age! You cannot tell me what to do! Thorin has promised I can come.”

He cringes at that last sentence, knowing he will be in the firing line next. Just as he reaches towards the door handle, the door is yanked open and Kili comes bursting out. “T-Thorin!” he stutters as he nearly knocks his uncle off his feet. Then he scowls. “You talk to her!” And he brushes past and runs out of the royal quarters.

Thorin carefully looks around the door and feels Dis’ eyes flaming back at him.

“He is not going!” she says sternly, crossing her arms.

Thorin takes a deep breath and closes the door behind him. “Dis, I …”

“You had no right! No right to ask him on to join this reckless plan of yours without talking to me first!”

He can feel his temper flare, but tried to keep his composure. “Your sons are of age,” he says calmly. “They are my heirs. We cannot keep them locked up here forever. The time to reclaim our rightful home is now, Dis. I will not force them to join me. But if they wish to come I will not deny them.”

He can see his sister’s face break and suddenly she buries her face in her hands and begins to sob. The only other time he had ever seen his sister cry was when he had told her about the loss of their brother. And even then, it had been silent tears running across her cheeks. He feels suddenly flustered, uncertain how to react to this unexpected outpouring of emotions. He tentatively rests a hand on his sister’s shoulder in an attempt to comfort her and is even more surprised when she clings on to his coat like a dwarfling. “I cannot lose them!” she sobs loudly. “Please Thorin, don’t take them both from me! I cannot bear to lose all of you!”

Thorin shudders. He wants to tell his sister that she will not, that they will be fine and that soon they will all return to Erebor, where they belong. But he knows he cannot guarantee their safety. There are countless perils on their journey to Erebor, not least the fire drake they may still find alive at the end of their journey. “I promise I will look after them,” is all he can promise. “I will protect them as best I can. But we are a race of warriors, Dis. They are the princes of Durin. You cannot take this away from them. They belong at my side as we step through the gates of our kingdom.”

He looks into the large dark eyes of his sister.

“You need to let them go, Dis. You need to let them prove themselves. And make their father proud.”

Dis nods sadly. “I know,” she whispers and wraps her arms around her brother in what she hopes will not be their final embrace. “Please take good care of them.”

“I will. They are my sister-sons. I could not face their father when Mahal calls me to his Halls if I did not know I have done everything I could to protect his sons.”

**_Winter TA 2941_ **

Thorin knows he should feel elated over their return to the Lonely Mountain. He never thought he would see the day, but here he was, seated on the throne of his forefathers, beneath the Jewel of Kings. Of course he feels happy. He has managed to reclaim the kingdom for his people and secure the throne for his heir. And most importantly he had lost none of his brave companions, not even the hobbit whom he thought would not make it through their first night on the road. Sure there were injuries, some more severe than others. But they all lived; they were all here, including his beloved nephews.

But something was not right. He could sense it. Kili had gone to that dark place again. His body language had hardly changed – he was still full of tales and energy – but Thorin could see it in his eyes. They were dark and distant and had lost that usual cheeky sparkle in them.

After another long day of planning the rebuild of their mountain home, he pulls Kili aside. “Talk to me,” he says kindly, as he grabs his shoulder.

Kili frowns. “About what, Thorin?”

“About what is bothering you.”

The brunet prince lowers his eyes. “Nothing, Thorin.”

But the king knows he is lying and pushes his chin up with his finger. “Kili,” he says sternly.

“It is okay, Thorin,” Kili shrugs. “I am tired is all. We all are.” And with that he bows politely to his uncle now made king and makes for his own chambers.

In the days that follow they are all kept busy with the many things that need to be discussed, agreed, arranged and planned. Ridding the mountain from a dragon was one thing. Restoring the damage the beast had left behind was quite another, but nothing that the hard-working folk of Durin could not fix in time. The halls would be grander, the tunnels deeper and the treasures greater once they were finished with it, of that Thorin was sure. But all that was overshadowed by the hollow look in the eyes of the youngest prince.

“Fili,” Thorin asks his heir one night. “I am worried about Kili. He should be rejoicing in our return. Yet something is eating at him.”

The blond prince nods. “It is _‘adad_ , Thorin,” Fili sighs when he can see his uncle will not let him leave the room until he has answers.

“Your father?” Thorin raises a confused eyebrow. “What about him?”

“You know how Kili always used to go and visit our father’s tomb whenever something bothered him or he wanted to share something with our father. Ever since you took him there to talk to his stone tomb on the night of his coming of age celebration? Well, he is upset that now all the dwarrow form the Blue Mountains are making their way over here that our father is left behind. That his tomb is still in the Blue Mountains and that there will be no-one to talk to him now. Kili has only ever known our father in the stone, for him that is his father. And now he feels like he cannot ever talk to him again, like he has abandoned him.”

Thorin bites his lip. Of course he had only taken Kili there to give him something tangible to express his feelings to. He could talk to his father anywhere, the body was but a vessel for the soul. But he understands now why the brunet feels so upset. And as he thinks about it he too feels sadness at the thought that his brother-in-law, like so many, would never return to Erebor. “I understand,” he nods, embracing his oldest nephew. “Thank you for telling me.”

**_Autumn TA 2942_ **

When the messenger sent ahead of the party announces that the king is due to return later that morning, both the princes are ecstatic. They had each felt sad that Thorin had not allowed them to travel with him on this occasion, but Thorin had convinced them that it was just a boring trade mission and that he needed them at Erebor to continue to oversee the restoration work and deal with any minor problems that would occur during his absence.

As soon as the king arrives in the Great Hall, the princes run up to him, nothing like the heirs of Durin befits but simply as two nephews going to greet their favourite uncle, whom they have not seen for months.

“Thorin, how was the trip? Did you get the agreement signed? Was there any trouble on the roads? What is the news from the Westerns Mountains? Have you heard any more about …”

“Whoah!” Thorin stops the waterfall of questions his nephews spew at him. “One question at a time,” he smiles and he puts his arms around the two princes and leads them back inside the mountain kingdom to bring them up to speed.

**_Later that evening …_ **

“Kili,” Thorin says, when they have finished their joint meal. “Please would you come with me, There is something I would like to show you.”

“Sure,” Kili nods and he obediently follows his uncle through the maze of corridors and halls as they descend deeper and deeper into the mountain.  “Where are we going, Thorin?” he asks eventually. He has never been this far into the old parts of the kingdom and by the look of the footprints in the thick dusts, others have only recently.

“You will soon see,” Thorin says as he keeps up the pace. “It is a surprise.”

Kili gasps as Thorin pushes open two enormous doors that lead into a magnificent hall which appears to have been completely untouched by the calamity that had entered their kingdom. “What is this place?” he whispers in awe.

“These are Erebor’s Halls of Stone,” Thorin says as he lights the torches  on the walls, throwing a warm glow onto the beautiful carvings all around the room.

Kili stares at the niches in which elaborately decorated pillars stand. “These are tombs?” he asks in surprise.

“Yes, these are the royal tombs. From the day that our forefathers moved into the Lonely Mountain.”

Kili walks up to one of the niches and runs his fingers over the runes carved in the stone. He cannot believe it. His great great great grandfathers are standing here before him, their bodies forever preserved within the stone from whence they came. “This is amazing. Thank you for bringing me down here. Can I show Fee?”

“Of course you can,” Thorin smiles. “I was going to show him tomorrow. But the reason I brought you down here tonight, is this,” and he takes his nephews hand and leads him to one of the newer niches.

Kili’s mouth falls open as soon as they stand before the stone cask. He instantly recognises the completely different carving style, each symbol as familiar to him as the freckles on his own skin as he had spent hours tracing those runes and images over the years past. “ _‘A-Adad_  …” he stutters and then looks at his uncle in confusion. “I … I don’t understand … You have brought him here? You went to the Blue Mountains and have brought his tomb here?”

Thorin nods, brushing softly against Kili’s cheek.

“But he is not a Durin,” Kili frowns. “Is it even allowed?”

The king snorts. “These halls are not just preserved for the royal family, but also for the bravest of warriors amongst our people. These are halls of honour. And I knew no more an honourable dwarf than your father was, Kili. The bravest and the kindest of all dwarves. Just like you and your brother are. And no-one deserve a place in these halls more than your father.”

Kili wraps his arms around Thorin, burying his face in his tunic as emotions threaten to overwhelm him. “Thank you, Thorin. Thank you so very much for bringing him back to me.”

He steps up to the tomb again and runs his fingers over the carvings. “Welcome home, _‘adad_ ,” he says softly, with a smile around his lips.

And as the young prince begins to narrate all the things that have happened since he first left Ered Luin to join Thorin on the quest for Erebor, Thorin quietly leaves the burial chambers, happy in the knowledge that his brother-in-law is back with his family, where he belongs.

**Author's Note:**

> ‘adad - father  
> namad - sister  
> nadad - brother  
> gimliuh mim - my little star  
> ‘amadnadad = uncle (mother-brother)
> 
> In my mind dwarven tombs are placed upright, rather than horizontal like the graves of men.


End file.
